{"id":5611,"date":"2019-07-16T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2019-07-15T22:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.fizzer.com\/journal\/drole-ete-5-traces-de-bronzage-cultes\/"},"modified":"2023-01-06T14:18:48","modified_gmt":"2023-01-06T13:18:48","slug":"drole-ete-5-traces-de-bronzage-cultes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.fizzer.com\/fr\/journal\/drole-ete-5-traces-de-bronzage-cultes\/","title":{"rendered":"Dr\u00f4le d\u2019\u00e9t\u00e9 : 5 traces de bronzage cultes"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Apr\u00e8s ces longs mois qui nous ont injustement priv\u00e9.e.s de vitamine D, on a qu\u2019une h\u00e2te : se dorer la pilule tout l\u2019\u00e9t\u00e9 \u00e0 la plage. On se voit d\u00e9j\u00e0 revenir avec un teint divinement h\u00e2l\u00e9 que notre entourage ne nous soup\u00e7onnait m\u00eame pas capable d\u2019obtenir. Chaque ann\u00e9e pourtant c\u2019est la m\u00eame chose. Malgr\u00e9 les avertissements quant aux dangers du soleil, il y a toujours quelqu\u2019un pour aller un poil trop loin. Une fois c\u2019\u00e9tait vous, l\u2019autre fois votre s\u0153ur, et celle d\u2019apr\u00e8s votre grand-p\u00e8re. Tout le monde a eu le droit aux improbables traces de bronzage. Retour sur 5 grands classiques qui ont parsem\u00e9 vos dr\u00f4les d\u2019\u00e9t\u00e9s :<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Le bronzage agricole <\/h2>\n\n\n\n

C\u2019est le bronzage typique d\u2019un \u00e9t\u00e9 \u00e0 la campagne ou \u00e0 la montagne<\/a>. Ses principales victimes : cyclistes inv\u00e9t\u00e9r\u00e9s, vendangeurs fous et mordus d\u2019alpinisme. Il s\u2019attrape g\u00e9n\u00e9ralement apr\u00e8s un certain temps pass\u00e9 \u00e0 l\u2019ext\u00e9rieur, avec z\u00e9ro protection solaire. L\u2019arme fatale du bronzage agricole ? Le marcel. Ce simple v\u00eatement d\u2019apparence si innocente qui vous joue des tours chaque \u00e9t\u00e9. Quand vous l\u2019aviez achet\u00e9, vous l\u2019imaginiez comme votre futur meilleur ami. Votre marcel se marierait avec toutes vos tenues et envies, pensiez-vous. Mais \u00e7a c\u2019\u00e9tait avant de d\u00e9couvrir avec effroi les traces de coup de soleil qu\u2019il vous pr\u00e9parait en retour. C\u2019est simple, maintenant vos ami.e.s vous surnomment carr\u00e9ment Marcel. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Le bronzage lunettes de soleil <\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Ce bronzage est l\u2019un des plus fourbes. Comment un accessoire cens\u00e9 nous prot\u00e9ger du soleil peut-il se retourner contre nous ? On se sent en toute s\u00e9curit\u00e9 derri\u00e8res ses Ray-Ban et, pof ! On les enl\u00e8ve pour d\u00e9couvrir notre visage tout rouge et une belle trace bien blanche qui s\u2019\u00e9tend d\u2019une oreille \u00e0 l\u2019autre en passant par l\u2019ar\u00eate du nez. Heureusement la contrepartie de ce bronzage est qu\u2019il est l\u2019un des plus accept\u00e9, stylistiquement parlant. La trace de lunettes, si elle est ma\u00eetris\u00e9e, vous donnera un air de champion.ne du Vend\u00e9e Globe ou d\u2019habitu\u00e9.e de la Croisette. \u00c0 utiliser avec parcimonie tout de m\u00eame. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Le nez rouge <\/h2>\n\n\n\n

C\u2019est sans doute le plus redout\u00e9 des vacanci\u00e8r.e.s pour la simple et bonne raison qu\u2019il est impossible \u00e0 cacher.  Si vous pouvez dissimuler vos traces de marcel sous un t-shirt ou vos traces de lunettes derri\u00e8re ces derni\u00e8res, vous n\u2019allez en revanche pas vous balader avec un cache-nez. Le bronzage nez rouge, fa\u00e7on Bozo le clown, ne pardonne pas. Notre nez \u00e9tant en effet le principal \u00e9l\u00e9ment \u00e0 faire saillie sur notre visage, il capte le soleil \u00e0 tous les coups. Et le pire dans tout \u00e7a c\u2019est l\u2019\u00e9tape d\u2019apr\u00e8s, quand votre peau se met \u00e0 peler. Mais cet \u00e9t\u00e9, on ne vous y prendra plus. \u00c0 vous le bronzage uniforme et le nez intacte \u00e0 faire p\u00e2lir de jalousie Cl\u00e9op\u00e2tre. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Le maillot une pi\u00e8ce <\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Ce petit chouchou des modeuses s\u2019est r\u00e9invit\u00e9 en force dans les dressings ces derni\u00e8res ann\u00e9es. Amour du vintage oblige, le retour du maillot une pi\u00e8ce \u00e9tait in\u00e9vitable. Certes, il vous donne des airs de sauveteuse d\u2019alerte \u00e0 Malibu. Mais il vous donne aussi quelque chose que vous n\u2019aviez absolument pas demand\u00e9 : des traces de bronzages totalement improbables. C\u2019est l\u00e0 la dure loi du maillot. Et encore, on ne parle m\u00eame pas des traces de trikini\u2026 La solution est simple : appliquez votre cr\u00e8me solaire sur tout votre corps, avant d\u2019enfiler le maillot. Cela \u00e9vitera que vous ne cramiez en couches superpos\u00e9es si ce dernier bouge.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

La main de ce.tte pote qui vous faisait une blague <\/h2>\n\n\n\n

C\u2019est le seul bronzage contre lequel vous ne pouvez pas vous pr\u00e9munir avec de la cr\u00e8me. Malheureusement, il y aura toujours aupr\u00e8s de vous un.e pote qui aime un peu trop les blagues. Si cette personne d\u00e9cide de vous jouer un tour et de poser sa main sur votre dos pendant que vous roupillez paisiblement sur votre serviette, peu importe la quantit\u00e9 de cr\u00e8me appliqu\u00e9e. La diff\u00e9rence de bronzage entre votre dos et la partie o\u00f9 \u00e9tait pos\u00e9e la main sera in\u00e9vitable. La solution ? Garder ce.tte pote tr\u00e8s \u00e0 l\u2019\u0153il. Avec un peu de chance cet \u00e9t\u00e9, il\/elle se lassera de votre m\u00e9fiance et ira choisir d\u2019autres victimes. N\u00e9anmoins, respect pour lui\/elle, aussi insupportable qu\u2019il\/elle soit, pour avoir eu la patience de garder sa main sur votre dos sans bouger pendant 45 minutes. <\/p>\n\n\n

\n
\"Carte<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n

La bonne nouvelle dans tout cela c\u2019est que, malgr\u00e9 la g\u00eane qu\u2019on peut \u00e9prouver sur le coup, ces ind\u00e9sirables traces finissent toujours pas dispara\u00eetre. Biafine, apr\u00e8s-soleil, tranches de tomates\u2026 les rem\u00e8des sont nombreux. En moins de deux, vous serez d\u00e9barrass\u00e9.e de vos rougeurs. Mais avant que les traces ne disparaissent, pourquoi ne pas garder un souvenir de ce dr\u00f4le d\u2019\u00e9t\u00e9 o\u00f9 vous avez un peu trop bronz\u00e9 ? Cette trace de main sur votre dos, ou ces marques de marcel sur vos \u00e9paules, feront des cartes postales personnalis\u00e9es <\/a>d\u00e9sopilantes \u00e0 envoyer \u00e0 vos proches. Apr\u00e8s tout, l\u2019humour reste votre meilleur alli\u00e9 dans ce genre de situations. Il ne vous aidera pas \u00e0 faire dispara\u00eetre les coups de soleil plus vite certes, mais il cr\u00e9era de sacr\u00e9s souvenirs, et de sacr\u00e9s fous-rires ! <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Apr\u00e8s ces longs mois qui nous ont injustement priv\u00e9.e.s de vitamine D, on a qu\u2019une h\u00e2te : se dorer la pilule tout l\u2019\u00e9t\u00e9 \u00e0 la plage.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":20,"featured_media":1223,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[862,861,912,138,908],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nDr\u00f4le d\u2019\u00e9t\u00e9 : 5 traces de bronzage cultes | Fizzer<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Apr\u00e8s ces longs mois qui nous ont injustement priv\u00e9.e.s de vitamine D, on a qu\u2019une h\u00e2te : se dorer la pilule. 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